My First Birth Experience

 When you teach (or take) a HypnoBirthing course with moms who have already given birth at least once, you're often inundated with birth stories. A group of first timers will even have stories to share - not their own, of course, but their mom's, aunt's, sister's, etc. Birth is a strangely fascinating thing to discuss. Lots of women have "horror" stories about their births, or someone else's, that they want to spread like confetti. This attitude leads to the negative image we see of birth on TV and in movies, and in society in general; the attitude that birth is a dangerous medical event that causes pain, fear, and lasting emotional and physical trauma.

The truth is, women have been successfully giving birth since the dawn of our species. If birth was always the intense and dangerous medical event we advertise it as today, our race simply would not have survived. 

That's not to say that birth isn't dangerous at all. There are most definitely intense and life-threatening medical emergencies that can arise during birth, and that is why we are so blessed to live in the 21st century, where we have the technology and knowledge to save lives when those situations arise. But, generally speaking, barring any special circumstances, birth is a perfectly normal and natural event that your body was literally designed for. When we are talking about a healthy mom with a healthy baby who's had a healthy pregnancy, there is little (if not absolutely no) need for medical intervention.

If you allow yourself to listen to your body and birth naturally in a comfortable, safe, nurturing environment, stress is dramatically reduced. A pain-free childbirth is actually possible.

I repeat: pain-free childbirths do actually happen. I wouldn't say it's common, or that every mom can have painless childbirth. Rather, I'd say that not very mom has painful childbirth. I know because I've seen lots of videos of HypnoBirthing moms who had painless births, but also because my mom and my aunt both had painless births - and no, they knew absolutely nothing about HypnoBirthing, so I'm not trying to sell my birth class here. They simply didn't freak out. In fact, my mom was terrified of being forced into an epidural (she's terrified of needles), so she locked herself in the bathroom for most of her labor, until it was too late for an epidural anyway.

My first birth was not painless. I had looked for a HypnoBirthing class because my mom had always talked it up like it was the most incredible thing she'd ever seen (she was a birth assistant most of my childhood and said HB moms always had beautiful, calm, incredible births, so she said I should look into it, even though she actually had very little idea of what it was). Unfortunately, there were no certified educators in AK at the time, and this was right before COVID started, so classes were all done in person. Post-COVID, everything is over Zoom, so it was easier the second time around to take a class (but I skipped the class and decided to just commit as an educator myself). 

Since I couldn't take a HB course, I read the book instead (you can buy it at Barnes and Noble). The book covers a lot that's covered in the course, but not everything - I never got the Rainbow Relaxation recording to use, and I never learned the self-hypnosis techniques so vital to the method. I did learn the breathing and the imagery, but they're not nearly as useful without the rest of the program.

I went into pre-labor around 2 am. I started having intense cramps that would wake me up, so I called my mom around 8 am and told her I thought I was probably in labor (it was the day before my due date, so that felt pretty accurate). My mom told me to call my midwife, who came over at about 10 am and checked me - sure enough, I was 4 centimeters, and my midwife (who had worked with my mom for years) was very excited that my first born was on his way. Ever professional, she told me to call her back whenever, even if it was only an hour later, and she'd come back to check me - but she also hinted that since this was my first baby, this would likely go well into the night.

Right after she left, things got more intense. The cramps began to feel like contractions, although they still didn't feel the way I'd imagined them to feel. They were also very inconsistent in length and time apart, which is why my midwife didn't think things were moving very quickly. 

At noon, I went to the bathroom and found a weird, sort of gelatinous substance in my underwear. I'd been wearing cloth pads day and night for the last week just in case my water broke. In my mind, my water breaking would be a bit like peeing myself - but no, it was really more like my vagina sneezed and a lot of snot came out (very similar to what losing my mucus plug was like, although this was more watery snot-like stuff). It did not make a huge mess in my pants or a big puddle on the floor. 

I called my mom and told her what happened - she said she'd be over soon (she lived across the street at the time), but she wanted to shower first.

An hour later, she still wasn't there, and I was starting to panic. Labor was not feeling at ALL like I had imagined, and not knowing what was happening was really freaking me out. My contractions became continually more intense, with an all-over clenching sensation in my belly, like an iron fist was clamping down on my uterus every few minutes. But still, they were not evenly spaced in time, and they never reached a full minute - most of them were 30-45 seconds, but they were beginning to bring me to tears.

I called my mom again and demanded she come over immediately, and that she call my midwife because I was having trouble speaking. I believe my midwife came over somewhere around 2 pm, and she was glad that she had, because she could tell that things had gone quite a lot faster than she anticipated.

I don't actually remember her arriving, and most of my memories from after that are simple flashbulb memories (just images). I remember her suggesting I try laboring in the shower, and I remember enjoying it for a minute or two, having a contraction in the shower, and not liking it anymore. She then suggested I try the tub. I had barely sat down when I was hit again, and I jumped up out of the water. It didn't feel right at all; I hated it. I hear so many moms gush about how much they wanted a water birth, or how much they loved their water birth, but man, I tell ya, I hated being in the water when I was in labor!

As soon as I stood up, I braced myself over the edge of the tub (a deep soaking tub, thankfully) and took a big gasp of air as I got hit again, less than ten seconds after the last one. 

But this one was different. It felt different, and it felt weird, and I remember yelling that something was wrong. My midwife, ever so calmly sitting on the toilet, asked me why I thought something was wrong. I (probably yelled) at her that my contraction changed, that it felt different. She helped me out of the tub. I know now that this was "transition," when the muscles of your uterus change from more all-over contractions, opening your cervix, to more vertical contractions designed to actually push the baby out. But my midwife knew that, which is why she guided me over to the couch and let me know Thorin was ready to come out. (I was having a home birth, I guess I didn't mention that yet). 

It was only 5 pm. 

An hour and a half later, after a lot of screaming, crying, begging it to stop, asking why I chose to do this to myself, and hearing my midwife say, "Well, you're beyond the point of no return now," my son's head was out. He looked around. Yes, his head popped out and he looked from side to side. 

At the time, it was the most amazing thing my husband and I had ever seen, and both of us just oohed and ahhed over it. Now, we look back at the memory and discuss how utterly disturbing his gray, misshapen head was, sticking out of my vagina and looking around. WEIRD!

With a few more surges, his upper body was released. I remember my midwife saying something about "one more push," and I said "Just pull him out!"

"I don't pull," she said calmly. 

I immediately remembered a story my mom told me (about another midwife, thank heaven) where the midwife pulled on the baby and ended up yanking the woman's whole uterus out - which she somehow slid back inside the woman... inside out. Terrifying, right? I was glad my midwife just supported my baby's head and shoulders and waited for me to do the work.

But with one more surge, his butt and legs came out, and she laid him on my belly, and my mom covered him with warmed receiving blankets. We had already named him, but he was so new that the name didn't feel real yet, so I just kept saying "hello, baby," over and over again, grateful birth was over and completely in shock that I had actually just grown and then birthed a tiny human. I had wanted to be a mom for years, and here I was, the new mom of a brand new addition to the world.

As I was laying there, leaning against my husband, basking in the awesomeness that is the post-birth glow, I suddenly had another contraction. 

"I thought I was DONE," I cried out. Then I felt a weird, gelatinous, slippery sensation between my legs and realized I was delivering the placenta. Thankfully, it came out in one fell swoop, and then I really was done. Except for my mom and midwife alternating pinching and pressing my uterus back down, helping shrink it back down to size (a rather unpleasant experience). I bled quite a lot, and my midwife had to try a few things to get it to stop. I remember asking her, in all seriousness, if this was normal or if I ought to be worried. I appreciated her bluntness when she looked me dead in the eye and said "We need to stop the bleeding." She didn't play "Chicken Little," as my mom would say, and freak out, but she made it clear that if we didn't get it under control soon, I'd be sitting in an ambulance. 

She had trouble getting a vein and the meds didn't seem to work, so she asked if she could try an herb tincture instead. I said of course. And you know what? They worked right away. No major medical intervention necessary, just a few drops of some (relatively nasty tasting) fluid under my tongue.

My son was laid on my belly at 6:34 pm. I'm told as far as first time births go, that was incredibly fast. I felt ashamed of myself for being afraid, for screaming, for the attitude that I couldn't do it (even though I knew I had no choice and I had to do it). I felt bad for trying to decapitate my husband pulling on his neck and for screaming in his ear for hours. But my mom kept telling me, and continues to tell me, that I did amazing, and that my fast labor was part of the reason it felt so intense and scary. I'm also the type of person that really, really, really likes being in control of myself, and during labor you are, quite simply, not in control of yourself. You have absolutely NO control over what your uterus decides to do, how long it does it, how fast it does it, or how intensely it does it. It just does what it wants, and it drags you along for the ride.

Your uterus pretty much has a mind of its own, and that is why birth is normal and natural. It doesn't need to be controlled or managed (given the absence of special circumstances, of course). It will manage and control itself. 

Going into birth #2, I'm fully prepared for that now. I know what my body is going to do, and I know that no matter what, 24 hours after my water breaks, I'll have a new baby in my arms, whether that baby is delivered naturally or by necessary C-section. Barring a dangerous medical event, that much is certain, and that's really all that matters.